layers

Yesterday I wrote out my feelings about guns, culture, mental health, a disconnect with people in our lives, the pace of the American culture. I shared it with my family and the interesting thing is that one of my daughter's offered her opinion on it and then chaos ensued. It ended with me crying, but I think that only one person understood why I was crying. It had nothing to do with criticism -- that would be the easiest way to interpret why I was so upset. It was because I started the discussion relaying my feelings about watching a tight knit family that helped each other through tough times in life by being there for each other and ended with the absolute opposite effect.

I began with an impression from a movie (The Family Stone). From there I segued into my father's reaction to hearing a child had died and how in the moment he shared that it would be the hardest thing in the world to lose a child. He relayed so perfectly such deep love that I forever recall that moment in my mind (Reaction was to the death of Eric Clapton's 4 1/2 year old son Conor in 1991, thus inspiring his song "Tears in Heaven" which to this day reminds me of that moment with my father, who died shortly after that memory was created.

I then discussed the difficulty of guns and violence, how the response by students is so brave and I celebrate these young people who must feel let down by a society that allows this awful thing to happen over and over. Yes, I know, this is a lot. The title of my essay was "Layers."

The next layer is mental illness and how difficult it still is to have a real conversation about it. Still taboo and doubted after so much hard work, time, research to suggest that it is as real as climate change -- if you're rolling your eyes then we can just agree to not agree at all on this.

The following layer was adolescence and how insanely hard, and sadly oftentimes, painful it is. Hormones, insecurities, brains that don't develop until early 20s, peer pressure, substances, hierarchies, etc. Add in the inescapable, destructive and overly intrusive element of social media, internet, gaming, etc. and we have all the ingredients for a massive teenage bomb.

The frosting is the pace at which we live our lives in the States. Just coming back from Italy (mind you -- I was on vacation, but even while on vacation we had long conversations with people who lived and worked there) -- it's definitely a different stress level. "Not enough time in the day . . . I'm exhausted . . . (if you live in the Midwest during the winter -- where the hell does the sun go for 100 days?!!!)" -- all of these could be national slogans. It's exhausting. I hate friendships based almost entirely on texting. I want to hear a voice with the emotions behind the thoughts, inflection and emphasis on the right words so I don't misinterpret meaning. Better yet, I love to see people -- see their faces change as they talk, watch smiles spread across their face or better yet -- actually witness a belly laugh moment or be there to hand a tissue over to mop up tears. I know I sound ancient, but technology isn't necessarily helping us humans connect and relate to one another. It's easy to lash out words when you don't see them hitting the person. Excluding someone isn't really a real thing when you don't see the person sitting home by themselves. I hate that Facebook and Instagram have now become unrealistic portrayals of someone else's carefully selected and filtered life. I have to say, I'm so disenchanted with the current state of digital society and it depresses me that this is what my kids know as their childhood reality. Ugh. Truly -- that's all I can come up with at the end of this rant.

I don't know answers but I think by starting with everyday, face to face interaction would be a good start. I don't know why we are so set on having "the other side" instead of just accepting that we live somewhere that is pretty amazing because it has a fantastic mix of amazingly different people. The one thing we have going for us is that we can tell our kids to be tolerant, inclusive, and maybe even enjoy someone else's differences. At least that would be something that pretty much everyone I know could do.