a tiny peeve

I want to say, first off, that I am so grateful to all the amazing people that volunteer their time to create opportunities or enrich experiences with our kids. That's an amazing way to give your time and talents back to the community and it also sets a great example for your own kids -- so they can see you not only investing your time and energy into something that benefits them, but also benefits so many others. I've tried to do that with each of my girls at one point or the other. It has been a learning experience and I've definitely, through trial and error, tried to match up my own areas of interest and enthusiasm to opportunities in the community. Given my best intentions, however, I will admit that it is a special person to work with kids -- because when you take that on -- you take on ALL kids. Some have personalities that you are not necessarily ready for or equipped to deal with. I'll admit to a few times in my early volunteer days that I admitted to the kids that I wasn't necessarily cut out for the big role of "teaching" in that I kind of sucked at reeling them all in during a story or activity that didn't speak to each of them and led to some unruliness. All good. I will even admit to, at a ridiculously challenging cold winter streak of indoor recesses, defining for them the term "volunteer" as "one who renders a service or takes part in a transaction while having no legal concern or interest." Merriam-Webster, and letting them all know I would email their parents so they knew why JGB that day went awry. I wasn't naive -- I knew that at dinner that night Johnnie wasn't going to be excited to tell mom and dad all about what short story he read that day in his elective reading activity. I won't BS you -- while I actually really enjoyed the opportunity to be with the kids and have creative cool conversations about fiction from all over the world, my motivation was very much to kill 2 birds with 1 stone ---> I had a kid there and I was doing this because a. they were there and b. they were there and it was a nice thing to do and I actually loved introducing literature to them even though I knew they were there only because their mom's signed them up. (That is true -- it became one of my first "break the ice" questions in our intro conversation).

Fast forward. Okay -- a little confession -- our family, while we enjoy healthy activities and believe very much in the benefits of personal growth by being on a team, challenging yourself, etc., we're not super sporty ourselves. This is my very limited observance -- and I could be off -- but its holding kind of true over the years:

There are some dads (or moms -- my exp. for now is with dad) that are kind of sporty who have daughters. They want, genuinely, to connect with their daughters so they volunteer as coaches in the sports of their (kids) interests. All is good until they run into that kid that is there, might be socially not so hot for awhile, they can't stand them but they're there and they're trying. The kid is a pain in their ass. Okay -- another year passes and despite the dismay of the kids family -- she has a strong desire to do the sport again, she signs back up. Same coach -- same coach who really didn't like her a year ago. She's not good but really wants to play. At the end of the previous season he broke and told her she just wasn't good enough. Background established. Kids back -- had a year of therapy and still trying. Day 3 of practice -- the coach hates her -- confirmed by car mate. Now me -- my peeve -- I get that this guy isn't a teacher or a therapist, but for F sake -- if you're coaching a bunch of middle school girls -- what are you going to do? Here's what you have to do. Suck it up! You're the grown up. This is a kid and despite whatever irritation or disgruntled feelings you may have -- you are the one who is volunteering to be there. If you can't handle it -- as I found in the past that I wasn't always able to do -- you need to figure it out. Middle school sports paid for by the PARENTS are for development of ALL kids. Yes, there will be challenges but you don't get the option of being a jerk. Not everyone walking on that field is a star athlete but it is your role, in the position that you chose to do, to make it a decent experience. Who knows, maybe if you try a different tactic you could actually have an impact and improve this kids self esteem -- life. I know you are volunteering --- but know this about yourself -- if you can't deal with these kids then either talk to their parents or cut out. Embarrassing and shaming kids isn't cool -- even to the daughter who is watching you. Everyone remembers these people in their lives. I'm the mom that walked out of JGB because nobody gave a crap. I realized I wasn't cut out for that role with kids so I'll find something else that I can do that will have a positive impact. If you can't coach without making kids feel crappy -- don't. Find something else.