chronic

written much earlier | just cleaning out the drafts drawer

doctor visit that left me not feeling okay

have you ever had an issue -- like your car making a funky, hard to describe but you try anyway sound and when you pull into the mechanic's garage the sound no longer makes the sound? WTF?! "Are you KIDDING me?!," you scream in your head to your beloved car. WTF!!!

That was me today. I haven't really been a witness to the aging process. My dad died just under a year of cancer diagnosis when he was forty seven and my mom died at sixty four. I know amazing people in our community, friends who have had cancer at my age -- people who have died, and it keeps me cautious of complaining of a stupid pinched nerve. Yet, I have a new understanding of the broad scope of many who suffer these elusive ailments that take you down physically, mentally, and emotionally. I can admit outright that I'm not always full of grace or patience with this kind of thing. It has changed me -- I no longer do everything I love -- I don't run -- which was in so many ways a coping mechanism for the stressors of everyday life. I don't like yoga -- now I'm kind of wishing I did.