lonely battles

written much earlier | just cleaning out the drafts drawer

A Public Battle

Today is a sad day. Going to a funeral for a woman in our community that had back pain one day and the next day she was in a hospital, paralyzed by surgery, not to ever return back to her home until the last days before her death eight months later. She leaves behind a grieving husband and three vulnerable, sad teenage daughters. I can't imagine their home at the moment -- in a flurry to have her return home, a team of contractors came in to make the house handicap accessible. When her illness took a severe turn for the worse, they tarped up the entire place so she could come home. She used the ramp once, spent eight days in her home with hospice and then left this world after a very difficult and painfully unrelenting fight against this illness.

It's hard not to want to charge in there and fix the only things that are in our control to fix -- their home. I just want for them to be able to sit and not have to stare at the battlefield where their wife, mother, lost her life.

The community has put their hearts around this family with so much love it feels like a million arms joined in a massive circle around them.

The Private Battle

This is a stark contrast to the other death that happened this week (there was only Kate Spade's until today -- now Anthony Bourdain) -- shocking deaths that are not personal but nonetheless hurt in a very different way. I don't know why they hurt other than it feels so painful that someone gets to a point that is so hopeless. I've felt hopeless but I've seen the battle of many to stay in this world and their fight is too strong in my head to ever give up. I don't have judgement on those who haven't lasted -- I feel the strongest compassion for their own battles and their families that are left behind. Often their battles are contained inside of themselves and the families are left stunned not just by the loss, but by the void of reason, experiences and feelings that weren't shared so they could not offer compassion or understanding.

I think our world doesn't always want to see the problems. When someone asks, "How are you?" -- they aren't really expecting you to tell them the real answer. I mean, what would the average person even do with that. And I also believe that even though mental health is making some headway, the acceptance and understanding of it is still not quite there. Everyone is tired of the ADHDs, OCD, ODD disorders simply because they are not something they can see, so it is hard to always believe that they are real. But they are real and the people who have them are oftentimes the ones that may not fit in or are accepted (especially if they are young) because its hard to really understand. And yet, suicides are going up so I think that people have to offer good faith that even if they don't have 100 percent proof that someone has this or that, they need to offer compassion and acceptance and we all move forward as peacefully and inclusively as possible.