still just a well lit basement

written much earlier | just cleaning out the drafts drawer

another gray michigan afternoon

i apologize -- tonight i just don't feel like using proper capitalization

i went into the gas station today. the upbeat guy working hard behind the counter and i did the usual midwestern exchange about the weather. it was dreary, but he positively cheered that he hoped the weather held. i was a bit perplexed by this -- when i looked out the window it was the same dismal gray that it has been for weeks. trying to match his positivity, i responded that i was happy at least that it wasn't raining -- which it was, a LOT, yesterday -- in January -- in michigan. if you don't live here -- you might not understand that rain in january is the ultimate topping on a depression scale sundae. not trying to be melodramatic, because my heart has broken a million times over for california with all of its tragic weather related disasters the past five years, but forgive me for just indulging in my own place in time.

the midwest is safe. we live here for so many reasons. for us, we had a wonderful opportunity; career-wise it was almost synchronicity as far as my husband's training, a blossoming EP program in grand rapids (an outstanding cardiology group to join), and on a personal level my mother's illness and being able to be here. regardless of how we came here -- the thing we can vouch for is the fact that we are privileged to live in a place that values and can provide an amazing public education (plus community support), low traffic, a continuing diversification to the area through medicine and beer and many more new ventures. michigan can be the most beautiful place in the world during good weather. i think chicago and places like michigan and wisconsin would be overrun if not for the harsh reality of our weather. being able to survive one hundred days without sun, which happens in the midwest -- if anyone outside midwest ever sees this.

but i also just watched the president's (dickhead trump or DM as I will from now on all him) "HUMANITARIAN CRISIS SPEECH" and cannot believe what is happening in our world. our government shutting down initially was a teenage temper tantrum? a "national crisis?!' WTF?!" there are real world problems -- much bigger than a fabricated crisis to build a fucking crazy unnecessary wall. Okay -- capitals important here:

SO Many people actually die, starve, are raped, and truly truly DAMAGED, in this world. We are so fortunate in our safe homes reading this. What the FUCK?!!!!!!! Are we all crazy?!

today -- america -- as good as we may seem is still only a fucking well lit basement. a lot of gray to get through.