everything in life is changing . . . but how much?

It is strange . . . after all this time, to write again. So much has changed. Life is moving quickly and it is really hard just to let myself be in the moment. Two daughters are in college now with a gunner daughter still in high school. It is a crazy moment in time.

I'm not loving being in grey Michigan winters when I know that there are other sunnier, healthier places for me. I am connected and love this place, but I also realize it kills me a lot of the time. Yet I am home, happy to be on the couch with Oscar. I've been away for eight days and I am trying to get back into the swing of things.

I had a conversation with my daughter that was meant to be light -- but sometimes I can't let it be just that. She didn't mean to do anything other than show me a video of a teacher at her school trying to separate girls in a fight. I struggle with how to parent these moments . . . my daughter is savvy and knows that this could be a trigger point for me, which it was. My ultimate take on the video was so complex and way beyond what she wanted to share with me that it was frustrating for both of us.

I don't know what to

say when I hear about kids getting into fights at school and then the details fill in. The girls are freshman, school of choice, and their parents are putting them there to give them a great educational experience. Yet . . . I worry that there is not systemic support for these kids. This, I guess, speaks to the larger scope of our own culture -- small efforts without larger, fundamental changes in our thinking can be very confusing for everyone. I think the intentions are good in many respects -- or at least I hope they are. I think that there is a hope to extend good education, but funding for this is not always the reality. Partial programs are hard, although I think they are the best offering we have at the moment, but I do feel we can do better.

It is hard to imagine being the 2.4% Black, 1.7% Asian, or 5% Hispanic/Latino among the 83.3% White in our school. I'm not trying to stir up trouble -- there is so much of that in life as it is. But to be honest, when I heard about these kids getting in a fight and how it is interpreted by others . . . filmed, I get sad. Big picture needs to be in place. I just want us all of to be honest about the reality of what that really is.